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day late​/​/​dollar short

by sannah handoz

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1.
im sitting on my bed and suddenly a light shines through my window and your hand is on my back but i was sure i was alone and everything is falling all around me and i can taste the blood already and before i know it im on my feet and im running to the place my body likes to take me when im crying for you, half-asleep im damp and panting, there's water everywhere the sky is opening. something's happened and somewhere a goddess is weeping for her lost and forgotten race but meanwhile im collapsed in the middle of the train tracks and the tears are running down my face goodbye, goodbye, goodbye oh, it never really mattered to me- much- anyways, (x3)
2.
when my eyes get heavy at the end of the day all that i can think about's your stupid face the way we talk and smile like we've been friends for a while longer than we have i like your pots and your pans, i like your sweaty hands (and i want them all over me) so please, darling, listen closely it's like i've died a million times and now i'm finally waking up let's go on adventure to find the holy grail, we'll drink the wine from that sacred cup and then get DRUNK on the constructive interference of the wavelengths that are projecting from the beats of our hearts (la da da da, la da da da da) in only less than a week, you had me head over feet i never knew that i could sigh a sigh that was happy your sense of humor has me questioning what i ever thought was funny and if i seem inquisitive, don't feel inhibited i'm driven by a hunger to know everything about you it's like i've died a million times and now i'm finally waking up let's go on adventure to find the holy grail, we'll drink the wine from that sacred cup and then get DRUNK on the constructive interference of the wavelengths that are projecting from the beats of our hearts (la da da da, la da da da da la da da da. la da da da. la da da da da, da da da da da da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da daaaaa da da da dummmmm.)
3.
my soul shrinks down and then implodes and expands, stretching arms deep into my spine they reach for trembling tree branches quivering from the coldness inside of me feelings drop from a hole in my pocket as i walk down the road they clink to the ground, and this world has stolen the blithe curiosity that i once had found and it wasn't like a clap of thunder. it wasn't like a lightning storm. there wasn't any build. there wasn't any warning. like a flame, snuffed from a candle, i suddenly was empty.
4.
and you'll never drive your stake into this stony heart of mine even with your hands so gentle, even with your eyes so kind i won't fall in love with you tonight any earlier than nine you'll have your chance to take my life, and i'll have my chance to dine the way you feel about me's not the same as you used to we've got two polar attitudes and i don't feel how i used to either i don't know what could have caused it maybe it's the way that you treated me and you'll never drive your stake into this stony heart of mine even with your hands so gentle, even with your eyes so kind i won't fall in love with you tonight any earlier than nine you'll have your chance to take my life, and i'll have my chance to dine
5.
hard n fast more like hard n sad im making you come now you're making me mad i wonder if i'll ever be a high school grad cause im losin my mind and my sex is a fad so fuckin alone, my lips taste like cloves im all outta dough cause i spent it on dope head under the stove, im feelin like job our love only grows, you can leave, just don't go these elegant women are all just beginnin to understand who what where why how and when but love, it's a given that you will be missin me baby don't leave me just count down and breathe sigh hard n fast more like hard n sad im making you come now you're making me mad i wonder if i'll ever be a high school grad cause im losin my mind and my sex is a fad tell me please baby what do you see in a girl like me¿¿¿ i can barely count to three¿¿¿¿ i promise im not lying when i say you make me happy but they say that if you love something then you should set it free
6.
book of time 03:28
starin' at a ceiling full of stars thinkin to ourselves, "why can't those be ours?" i'm not getting something, i missed the boat i made myself vulnerable, you went for the throat it's not a problem... (i don't care) a striking silence fills the air will you wait for me if im not there? you brush my cheek, fingers in my hair: "babydoll, please don't worry it'll all turn out right the answers to all your questions are written in the book of time" scarlet lips match scarlet thighs a sullen face, solemn goodbyes cold winter days, and colder nights you know i won't let you win without a fight i get impatient, you don't care your eyes meet mine, and i shoot you a glare you ask me, "what are we doing here?" i brush your cheek, fingers in your hair: "babydoll, please don't worry it'll all turn out right the answers to all your questions are written in the book of time."
7.
smokey 01:55
theres somethin' about a pair of pointy ears that scares away your sadness tucked tail between legs thoughts fuck with your head but to love the doomed takes practice. hearts heal in due time songs end without rhyme but you'll never forget his big black eyes his absence can drive you straight to hell but it's apparent to me, he'll miss you just as well.
8.
you can try to run but i'll follow you like a shadow at the edge of the rising sun communicate to me what excites you and i'll try to identify with every one and now i feel your breath in my ear tell me just how glad you are that i'm here my hands hold yours as our bodies merge into one i'm not here for love i'm just here to have fun
9.
freak out, you can’t leave me alone you know somebody’d better take away my telephone strip down, throw some shit on the floor i kicked your cat, i made you cry, but i thought it was normal take a bite, say something bout the antlers and i never really noticed you preferred die antwoord “who’s got a lighter?” “put down the guitar!” you’ll never learn to walk straight with your eyes on the stars but summer is the loneliest season of them all today i’m pushing you away but i’ll come begging in the fall you know, it’s really unsustainable to act so unobtainable when all i really want’s to have your picture on my wall clouds pass overhead, and i wonder where they go and where they’ve been floating in the sky……. keep on, one foot in front of the other im sickened by the pungent smell of burning rubber no sleep, awaken dazed and confused my head is spinning, body’s aching, and my legs are bruised people i knew once,they feel like strangers while my heart’s filled with anxiety, despair, and anger it’ll happen every now and again it’s not a question of if, but a question of when but summer is the loneliest season of them all today i’m pushing you away but i’ll come begging in the fall you know, it’s really unsustainable to act so unobtainable when all i really want’s to have your picture on my wall clouds pass overhead, and i wonder where they go and where they’ve been floating in the sky……. "oh my god. i was so shocked at first, but later… i couldn’t stop laughing!"
10.
she went white as a sheet standing in the stagnant louisiana air you saw her standing there but you didn't find the time to say hello and suddenly, as she was standing there she started to do something you didn't expect she untied the ribbon around her neck and it fell off. her head fell off. you don't go to the swamps anymore, not since you witnessed the decapitation of that young girl it's not that you're afraid to. it's that you're next. (burst) there's something disturbin' bout that mushy green state no you're never on time, but you're never too late there's something disturbin' bout that mushy green state no you're never on time, but you're never too late
11.
la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaa-! why'd you have to leave so soon? who d'you think you are? walked right out the door! suddenly, i'm hoping you won't miss me.
12.
your eyes 01:21
i'd love to be your friend but to put it all simply it's much too heartbreaking to look you in the eyes. the movement in your stride as you walk over to me, it's enough to break me/ go ahead and take me it's time to say goodbye/i don't wanna say goodbye
13.
strangers 03:41
reject my affection again tell me you don't feel the same way i do but if that's true, then why are you still with me? and you've got to understand this is all i know! wiping tears with the backs of my hands i feel so alone! and i wish i knew how to talk to you without pushing you away rejecting my presence/presents again tell me you don't love your life like i do but if that's true, then why are you still living? and you've got to understand, this is all i know! wiping tears with the backs of my hands. i feel so alone. and i wish i knew how to comfort you without pushing you away. and you've got to understand the difference between us, your upper hand emotionally stolid, unavailable who's to say i even knew you?
14.
dear mom 01:27
sometimes i feel like the people around me are staring sometimes i don't know where i stand sometimes i eat without being hungry sometimes i ride my bike in the middle of the street and sometimes i don't wanna play guitar anymore and sometimes i feel like you don't understand and sometimes i imagine you lying next to me again and then, sometimes i don't do anything at all
15.
i cut myself shaving in the bathtub or, at least, that's what i told my mom what she doesn't know won't hurt her and it wasn't hurting anyone, after all my mom's giving me the funniest of looks what she won't say hangs heavy in the hall out of nowhere, she suggested therapy i guess she knew all along! i cut myself shaving in the bathtub or, at least, that's what i told my mom what she doesn't know won't hurt her and it wasn't hurting anyone, after all i like you more than i like most folks we're quite different than we were then i felt close to you, even with a broken heart so i thank you for letting me in! i cut myself shaving in the bathtub or, at least, that's what i told my mom what she doesn't know won't hurt her and it wasn't hurting anyone, after all there are some things that i try not to think about their existence just makes me sad things like letting down the people that i love and my relationship with my dad. i cut myself shaving in the bathtub or, at least, that's what i told my mom what she doesn't know won't hurt her and it wasn't hurting anyone, after all

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released February 19, 2016

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sannah handoz Lafayette, Louisiana

this is an archived solo project created by me, hannah sandoz - find my current project(s) here:

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